![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
A doorway of stars
Nov. 12th, 2005 11:21 amI never thought I would finally be emerging from depression in the middle of November. It goes against everything I have ever experienced, but I am finding I'm falling in love with the world again, and for no apparent reason. There's no new special person in my life to account for a chemical high. Even before the Opportunity (which I am so excited about, I had my first nightmare about it last night in which I was teacing creative writing to illiterate pre-schoolers) I was getting up in the morning and feeling like it was worth it to get out of bed and go experience the beautiful world.
Sure, there are still things that upset me or bring me down, but the drive to work most mornings is confirmation that I'm living in an absolutely gorgeous world, and I want to be a part of it. I've got a very long way to go, especially in terms of adapting my daily routine to match my vision; but my senses, which have felt like they were wrapped in a thick insulation of indifference, are starting to emerge, along with a new emotional awareness. The okay days are starting to outweigh the downright bad ones, and almost everyday has a moment where I'm totally overwhelmed by how amazing it is to be alive. I feel like I have a future again, and like the present has become an acceptible place to be.
If I could describe it in a picture, it would be me sitting in front of a doorway looking out at the stars, and each of those stars is a person sitting at a doorway looking out at the stars. I'm not ready to cross the threshold yet, but I'm aware that it is there, and looking out that door is no longer like facing basement steps in the dark.
Sure, there are still things that upset me or bring me down, but the drive to work most mornings is confirmation that I'm living in an absolutely gorgeous world, and I want to be a part of it. I've got a very long way to go, especially in terms of adapting my daily routine to match my vision; but my senses, which have felt like they were wrapped in a thick insulation of indifference, are starting to emerge, along with a new emotional awareness. The okay days are starting to outweigh the downright bad ones, and almost everyday has a moment where I'm totally overwhelmed by how amazing it is to be alive. I feel like I have a future again, and like the present has become an acceptible place to be.
If I could describe it in a picture, it would be me sitting in front of a doorway looking out at the stars, and each of those stars is a person sitting at a doorway looking out at the stars. I'm not ready to cross the threshold yet, but I'm aware that it is there, and looking out that door is no longer like facing basement steps in the dark.
