The Fog of War

[zalena]

I finally saw The Fog of War this evening. It's an excellent piece of filmmaking; it contained a lot of things I didn't know about the past century. There are even more things no one will ever know. I think it was a brave and socially responsible thing for McNamara to make this film; even if it is simultaneously his last word in how he will be remembered.

I found myself agreeing with him. War is just to complex to either understand or eliminate. And I hate that I think that way.

My class went well today. We had five people, which is a very comfortable size, many repeats from my first session. They gave me really good feedback. I wasn't as nervous going in, and I was much more comfortable throughout. I have less of that "You're a fraud" feeling that haunts much of my waking hours.

This weekend has been absolutely exhausting. I am not ready to face tomorrow. It's snowing rather heavily. I'm hoping that perhaps there will be enough snow to either cancel or delay work tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the first day of spring. This weekend is my anniversary of my return to Colorado. I have been feeling really down on myself, like I've failed horribly. I honestly don't know where to go from here, but I'd like to spend some time envisioning a positive future both for myself and the world.

Comments

[sakuratea.livejournal.com]

Maybe it snowed for you, then :)

[zalena.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do recall having lost some weather gear lately. Maybe it was construed as an offering.

[ashfae.livejournal.com]

I wish I could help you with your sense of failure. I still think you're in a better place than you were, or at least that you're better positioned to make good things happen/let good things come to you. But it must be hard to be optimistic by this point.

But yeesh, you're too young to have failed horribly. There's too much life ahead of you for that sort of judgement.

[zalena.livejournal.com]

I wish I could've written while I was still on my teaching high. I am in a better place, (doesn't that sound like a terrible euphemism) but I am also kind of discouraged. I'm desperately in need of a more regular sense of blessing (which my first year required nothing more than the thought "I'm not in NY!") and a sense of direction would be good.

I'm working on it, but it's slow. I know there is no magic pill or moment when everything becomes clear; but I really need to make some peace with whatever it is. I need to find (repetitive) more joy in my daily context. I keep feeling like it's there, but I'm too dense to see it.