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zalenaHas anyone else noticed that the 'How Shamu Saved My Marriage' Modern Love column is still in the Top 5 at the NYT? It's been three weeks!
Anyone who's ever done potty training (or spent any time with someone under the age of 5) knows the value of positive behavioral reinforcement, but really, we're talking about adult men. Isn't it time they start behaving like adults? Isn't it time we start expecting them to?
The whole point of the article seems to be, "Get your mate [man] to do what you want," not what is really an issue in relationships when it comes to pet peeves and shared household duties: caring and control.
When people complain that their mate doesn't do their fair share of the household duties, they are very rarely complaining about having to do a specfic chore. (Case in point: the recent preview for The Breakup with Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn. "I want you to want to do the dishes," she says.) The issue isn't about who actually does the dishes, but that someone would care enough to seek parity in their relationship and the working of the household. Fundamentally speaking the ability of our mate to listen to our demands, or to chip in without being nagged or complaining, helps us believe that they care about us and the day to day workings of a relationship.
Positive behavioral training addresses a behavior, or habit, not the fundamental challenge of spouses unable to communicate with one another. It is a useful tool, but to rely upon it to get ones (adult) spouse to behave in a particular way is in fact manipulative, and an indicator of the sad state of affairs in many partnerships.
Yuk! is all I can say, (though I did forward the article myself to certain women in my office, who might as well use it on their husbands, who otherwise behave like animals, or toddlers.)
Anyone who's ever done potty training (or spent any time with someone under the age of 5) knows the value of positive behavioral reinforcement, but really, we're talking about adult men. Isn't it time they start behaving like adults? Isn't it time we start expecting them to?
The whole point of the article seems to be, "Get your mate [man] to do what you want," not what is really an issue in relationships when it comes to pet peeves and shared household duties: caring and control.
When people complain that their mate doesn't do their fair share of the household duties, they are very rarely complaining about having to do a specfic chore. (Case in point: the recent preview for The Breakup with Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn. "I want you to want to do the dishes," she says.) The issue isn't about who actually does the dishes, but that someone would care enough to seek parity in their relationship and the working of the household. Fundamentally speaking the ability of our mate to listen to our demands, or to chip in without being nagged or complaining, helps us believe that they care about us and the day to day workings of a relationship.
Positive behavioral training addresses a behavior, or habit, not the fundamental challenge of spouses unable to communicate with one another. It is a useful tool, but to rely upon it to get ones (adult) spouse to behave in a particular way is in fact manipulative, and an indicator of the sad state of affairs in many partnerships.
Yuk! is all I can say, (though I did forward the article myself to certain women in my office, who might as well use it on their husbands, who otherwise behave like animals, or toddlers.)
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-17 10:08 pm (UTC)